Question:I met my boyfriend about a year ago…he was my supervisor and he had a girlfriend for 3 years. I left that job and I told him how I felt about him. He left his girlfriend for me. But they still worked together. We were together for 3 months. He told me he loved me first. He mentioned numerous times how happy he was with me. I found out he was still sleeping with his ex. I was very hurt by this because of the trust I put in him. Yes, I was hurt that he was sleeping with her behind my back. But the trust part hurt more. After I found this out I cut all contact and changed my number. Three months went by and I still loved him. When we dated the first time, I LOVEYOU was used because it was felt. I contacted him three months later for answers only and we ended up back together once again. He left her for me. This time we have been together faithfully for 4 1/2 months. Our relationship is amazing. We live together now. He is an amazing person to be with. He shows me appreciation, love, friendship, and much more. We have talked about marriage, but I have fears. I am not afraid of him cheating with his ex girlfriend again because he knows that will completely end us. I will walk away like I did this time…but I won’t look back and he knows that. I am afraid of other issues such as combining our money. Some things he likes to spend money on aren’t what are best for our financial situation, in my opinion. I try my best to do what I can do but I am afraid that my savings will go to pay his bills. If so, is he going to pay mine? A.
Answer: Dear A.: You are wise to look at how each of you views money. Many relationships crash because people thought “it will work itself out” instead of working it out before making a commitment. Things like not agreeing on money issues don’t magically resolve themselves with marriage vows…they destroy marriages.
You’ve actually been together a short amount of time. Keep doing what you’re doing. Look for compatibility in as many areas as possible. Talk about it. See the areas where you differ seriously on important issues as red flags. Give your combined, full attention to resolving those things before you decide that a life partnership is the way you want to go. Being in love and happy doesn’t replace compatibility or transcend it. You can love someone you can’t permanently build a future with. Be careful. Blessings, Luise