We Can’t Communicate With Her

Question: I am unable to communicate with my 22-year old daughter. She is a single mom and we can’t talk without getting into an argument.  She claims she loves her 10-month old son’s dad and they have been seeing each for years.  However, he has not given any kind of child support nor any kind of emotional help to her.  He is a drug user and alcohol abuser also. Why can’t she understand he is using her and will never be the support system she is looking for? She and the baby currently live with us but she will travel eight hours once a month to another state just to see the dad.  She is trying to make him to be a dad who doesn’t want to be one. And yet they text and talk to each other almost each and every day and almost every hour it seems. My husband and I are so hurt and lost.  She is a very intelligent girl who is a hard worker and a good worker/mother. She works overtime when asked and will be there if anyone from work needs her.  She has never called in sick. In high school, she was on the honor roll all four years, involved in clubs and sports and very well-liked.  They met online through a mutual friend in their early high school years.  They lived together in another state for two years until we insisted she come home before the baby was born.  (He had moved out and left her with a mess of trying to pay the rent and utilities on her own right before she was being evicted). Unknown

Answer: Dear Unknown: It is very hard to face but the truth is that what our adult children do with their lives is their business, not ours. We do out best and they take it from there. They may make perfect sense or they may make choices that confound us.

Please consider coming over to my Web-community at www.WiseWomenUnite.com where we care and share and heal from the pain of totally reasonalbe but unfulfilled expectations involving our adult children and extended families. Blessings, Luise

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