Question: Dear Luise: I am in an emotional and situational bind that seems to be unresolvable. Many, many years ago, (decades), I met my Soulmate. We were both married at the time. I left my husband for this man, but in the end, he couldn’t leave his wife and kids for religious reasons. My husband and I reconciled and had two children. One is grown and has left home, and the other is just finishing high school. I never got over this man and apparently he never got over me because he has just contacted me now that his kids are raised and he is divorced, and wants to talk. Help! Marla
Answer: Dear Marla: Well, what a fine kettle of fish, to use an old saying. (I am old, you know.) There are so many ways to look at this. Moral codes differ and we are not all cut out of the same piece of cloth regarding how much conflict we can deal with.
I take it that you haven’t closed the door or you wouldn’t be writing to me about it. The most obvious thing is the timing. When you were ready, he wasn’t, and now after decades, he is ready, and you aren’t. That’s an assumption on my part, but, again, if you were ready, you wouldn’t be writing to me, either. So, if you can’t close the door and you can’t open it, what to do? That’s it, right?
OK. I may get e-shot for this by some of my readers, but I think you should get together and talk. I know, I know…that’s probably not what you’d like to do if you saw each other again! However, that’s what’s needed to my way of thinking. Look at the depth of the bond. If both of you are still this connected. You need to deal with it.
It could be that one or the other of you has changed radically over the years. Maybe both of you have. Why keep a candle in the window, if it’s over and you don’t know it. You may have idolized a memory and be way off the mark. What has life brought his way and how has he dealt with it? How about you? You can’t resolve the issue realistically without getting current.
So, my, (probably controversial), advice is to find out if you are both just romanticizing about the past or not. If your connection is real then you have to decide what to do about it. You may choose to stay right where you are, whether the love is still there or not. He may be willing to be a very small part of your life and he may not. Who knows?
Face the music and see what the lyrics say. You can’t resolve it any other way that I know of, or, (I’m repeating myself), you would have. Blessings, Luise