Question: Dear Luise: I am the mother of quadruplet 18 year olds. For 25 years I lived in a loveless marriage because my belief system made me feel too guilty to try and leave. Two and 1/2 years ago, I left. I moved only a small distance from my spouse so my kids would not be more inconvenienced than necessary. The divorce was not my husband’s idea and he made sure the kids knew just how painful it was for him. Now, my kids blame me for their pain. This is their last year in high school and I feel they no longer want to have a relationship with me. If I don’t do everything just right, they go to their dad… I have worked hard and was and am a good mom – the divorce was with their father… Will they eventually forgive? M.
Answer: Dear M.: My take is that most kids are too self-absorbed to care if their parents are happy or not and see divorce as unnecessary and inconvenient. I know…that doesn’t really help. For the last two years, I’ve been directing all questions that have to do with pre-adult and adult children and extended families to my Web-forum. The link to it is: www.WiseWomenUnite.com I created it over two years ago when I realized that these issues are too complex for a question and answer venue. What is much more effective is a sharing and caring community in which to dialogue. For many, it offers the opportunity, over time, to move through the pain and heal. I am there on a daily basis. However, feedback and support also comes from others who are up against similar situations. Please consider joining us. Blessings, Luise