This Isn’t Working

Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been separated for 2 years & soon to be divorced from the father of my children (ages 21 & 22).  My boyfriend and his 2 children (13 & 14) moved in a yr ago.  My boyfriend dislikes my children.  He says he can’t get over how they treated him when he 1st came here to live & that they disrespect me.  His children like them & they like his children (after getting over initial jealousy).  Neither of my children live home and they don’t like my boyfriend either (my daughter does try but it is so forced & unnatural). How can I get everyone to at least pretend to like each other?  It’s causing me to push away from his kids… & we live together!!!  I love my boyfriend & I love my children.  I need some unbiased advise. D.

Answer: Dear D.: All you can do is give up your fantasy of “happily ever after.” Don’t get stuck in wishing things were different than they are. Surely, you know that pretending never works. Resentment just builds.

If your boyfriend doesn’t like your kids, don’t expect it to change. It sounds like he is holding on to his resentment. As a result, you are starting to dislike his kids.

Call it off. The dynamics are just going to get worse. Blessings, Luise

 

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