Question; Dear Luise: Adult son is 37, well educated, single, and successful. No history of substance abuse. He sent an e-mail last fall saying he no longer wanted a relationship with me nor was interested in a discussion. His stepfather died this year; he attended the funeral but refused to speak to me. We’ve never quarreled. Honest! He has a sibling with whom I get along very well. The sadness is overwhelming. T.
Answer: Dear T.: My heart goes out to you. This is a death of sorts without the dignity of death. We raise our families and we can’t help but have expectations. They enter adulthood and make their own choices and that’s as it should be. However, we never dream we will be set aside and to some degree, canceled out, as though we never were. I, too, had one son who decided I was evil while my other son still thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. (He’s my Webmaster.) It doesn’t make any sense unless we choose to believe that it’s about them…not us.
This happens more often than any of us realize. Your question or a variation of it is the most often asked question on this Website. To address that, I have designed a second Website, a forum, for the express purpose of creating a support group around the issues involving adult children and extended families. Understanding, brainstorming and healing happen there. Please join us, if the idea appeals to you, at www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise