Question: Dear Luise: I’m 26 years old and afraid of the pain of first-time sex. I had been dating a lot of different guys in my very early of teenage years and wasn’t afraid of sex at all. I was sure I would jump right into it when I met the right guy. I eventually met a guy who was a few years older than me and had more sexual experiences. When I told him that I was willing to lose my virginity to him, to my surprise, he didn’t have the guts to proceed. To the contrary, he started telling me that it would be extremely painful the first time and then he showed me with some foreplay that what he said was true. It was awful. Ever since that day, his remarks have haunted me. When I tried to have sex with other guys, I’d immediately back away and stop before it happened. I’d like to think that it was because I hadn’t met the right person who could make me feel comfortable enough to go all the way through the process…but I know it’s not the case. I am seriously scared of the pain. I’ve heard about medical problems relating to this and have wondered if that’s what caused of the extreme pain. I’ve considered seeking professional help to address this issue, but I’ve heard from other women who have tried that solution that the surgical technique used is very painful and uncomfortable. It’s easy not to have sex but it’s been 10 years and I haven’t changed. The fear and trauma hasn’t worn off like I thought it eventually would. Please help me. I feel like a coward. L.
Answer: Dear L.: Being traumatized is not cowardly. Go first to a well-recommended psychologist or NLP Practitioner or both. That’s where you can work through this and let go of the misinformation that is causing you such misery. Then, if minor surgery is what’s needed, you will directed to a doctor who can do that simple procedure later on. Not now, though. Handle the fear first. It’s unrealistic and disabling and you will feel a lot better when it’s behind you.
FYI: NLP is Neuro Linguistic Programming. I had a cat allergy for 50 years that caused me life-threatening attacks of asthma. It took about 20 minutes of NLP for a permanent cure.
You know what’s wrong and how the idea got stuck in your head. You’ve got a head start. Blessings, Luise