Question: Dear Luise: I have just recently gotten out of a relationship that was moving too fast. Some ugly things were said to one another and part of the demise was that no communication from both of us made things worse. I now want to stay focused in God and motivated within myself to accomplish the goals I had set before I met my friend. My question is how will I move forward and stay to myself and reach my goals and not let another person in so close, so fast. I guess I was looking at my age, which is 41, and the young lady even offered to have my child. She stated she would not deny me that. Yet I feel that I now want to wait on God and continue to pray for a wife. What should I do? K.
Answer: Dear K.: Sometimes different parts of us want different things and there is an inner conflict. For instance, there are those who want health but are strongly attracted to something damaging, even food. And some people want to save money but can’t resist indulging in possessions. The list goes on and on.
You have acknowledged moving too fast. There is a part of you that was probably delighted and completely into the relationship you found so exciting and the part of you that is committed to long-term goals got set aside until you came to your senses. Certainly poor communication is a red flag. Perhaps you were also distracted by the thought of starting a family, which is apparently something you desire and feel may be passing you by. Conflicts can’t help but arise when we become so divided within.
I have no idea if your concept of God embraces the idea that He provides all of these parts in us…but it sure makes sense to me. We were created as pretty complex creatures. Sometimes we get to have it all but more often than not we have to call on Him to help us prioritize. What may come with that, is asking for His help in giving up something we desire in favor of something else that matters more.
It sounds like you want to meet your goals but you also want a wife and family. Do you feel like you must meet your goals to be able to provide for them? If so, your situation probably brings loneliness and frustration as the years go by. Free will lets us choose but our perfectly healthy emotions often give us grief.
Faith and trust can be your allies when you put your focus and your energies on your goals. Know that there is a strong possibility that the perfect woman will come your way when the time is right, if…you can let go of how that needs to look or take shape and let it come to you naturally. For instance: you may fall in love with a widow who already has a family. Who knows? Blessings, Luise