Question: Dear Luise:I have so many questions I don’t even know where to start. My wife and I have been married for seven years and lived together four years prior to that. Over the past year is where the real problems began and I know it’s all my fault. It always is. I’ve been too jealous of her, and now she resents me for it. My past relationships I was cheated on. Could that lead to my jealousy? She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don’t want to lose her. That’s why I chose to leave for a while and give her some breathing room. That was almost two months ago and now we hardly even talk! I obsess over this and just want to be with my best friend. I don’t know what to do????? J.
Answer: Dear J. Tell her what you just told me. Make a date and tell her what is in your heart. Take the responsibility, (even though it is never just one person’s fault), and let her know that you are willing to address your issues.
Why not see a counselor. Really. It’s the best place to get rid of old ghosts. It’s not your wife’s fault that your former partners cheated on you. Consider a good counselor…a “Ghost-buster.”
Know, too that you have to be very careful about giving someone “space” when you have been a pain to be around. It’s liable to be a great solution. Let her know that you have a lot to offer and that you also know she originally hooked up with you realizing that was true. Do your best to convince her to give it another try.
Your new attitude may bring her around. Certainly, silence isn’t working. Let her know that you see her as your best friend and that you want to be her best friend again. Love can be a very healing thing when it is totally sincere and when it’s not too late. Blessings, Luise