My Son Says We’re Causing a Problem

Question: Dear Luise: My 18 year old son and his girlfriend just had my beautiful granddaughter.  The problem is, all her family was involved in the process even as far as being in the birthing room.  They only allowed 3 people which included my son, the girlfriends mom and the girlfriends gay friend.  I was not even considered even though they were being forced to have an abortion by the girlfriends mother and threatened to be kicked out of her home if she didn’t have one.  I was in their corner the entire time.  I endured that and I didn’t even get to see or even hold the baby for a couple of days.  My son was very rude to our family and put in finger in each and every one of our faces telling us that it’s not about us its about his baby and he was very rude even though his family supported him thru everything.  He never speaks to her family like that. He makes us go visit the baby 1 person at a time even now that they are home from the hospital but her family comes in droves and gets time whenever they want.  I took my mother over to hold the baby yesterday because she had never been able to hold her.  I didn’t even get to hold her because I wanted my mom to have an opportunity.  My son asked my husband his dad to come over tonight to see the baby but said I waasn’t allowed to come since I had come over last night.  He didn’t feel comfortable going where I wasn’t accepted so we declined.  Now my son tries to turn it around on us like we are causing a problem.  What do I do? L.

Answer: Dear L.: There’s nothing you can do…you are causing a problem! You are asking them to treat you fairly and with respect and it’s not in the cards. They favor his girlfriend’s family and since they have started a new family and have taken on semi-adult status…they get to make up their own rules.  That’s the awful truth.

Please come over to the Web-forum that I established for women with issues with adult children and extended families. Your situation has been experienced by many women there. You will be heard and you will get suggestions that may make it more tolerable, but everyone there is learning that they have no vote, are all but invisible and are barely tolerated by the baby’s mother and her family. It’s a real horror.

I wish I had an answer but I don’t. You deserve so much better. I was asked the same question that you just asked me so many times that I created a Web-community around it. Blessings, Luise

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