Question: Dear Luise: I have a 32 year-old old son who is married and has 2 boys age 3 yrs. and 7 months. I lived out of state and he had asked us to come there to be closer to the boys. Now mind you, I have been a smoker since I was 15 and am now 52. I have never smoked in or around the babies and never would. I would go out for a walk. Well, now it is to the point my son will not let me see them anymore. I used to get the older son for the weekend…but I have only held my new grandson 7 times. What is wrong with these kids today, they have no respect for their parents. S.
Answer: Dear S. The person to ask about this is your son. You made an expensive move at his request and he has known forever that you smoked.
Sit down with him and find out what the problem is. Is it his wife? What is the complaint…how your clothes smell, how your house smells…or is it how your breath smells? What? How can it be resolved? Doesn’t he know that you always go outside to smoke when children are present? Once you know what the issues are, you can address them.
If it comes down to having to quit smoking to be able to qualify as an “acceptable” grandmother, then you could be a role model to your son and his wife regarding how far you are willing to go to be respectful of their parenting. And you might want to look more closely at that. It could have a great side effect…like saving your life. Blessings, Luise