Question: Dear Luise: My husband has recently left me. We have been together for 5 years married for 1 & half. From the beginning I told him I didn’t want children but January this year he said he’d changed his mind and now does. I couldn’t see any alternative but to split and he didn’t really make any effort to do anything about it, so I told him to move out…which he did. After going on his Facebook page, I read a message saying he had moved in with some girl. I keep in touch with him but haven’t brought myself to ask him about that. He told me he was living with a male friend. I’ve arranged to meet up with him in two weeks time and he asked me recently if I would give us another chance. I really don’t know what to do and don’t have any friends to talk to. R.
Answer: Dear R.: I think you have a huge issue that isn’t resolvable. You don’t agree. Have kids and your wishes are ignored…don’t have kids and his are. His changing his mind about such an important issue seems irresponsible to me, as well. He had three and a half years to think about it before you married.
I had a friend who didn’t want kids and his “to be” agreed. Then a few years later she said she did that because she thought she could change his mind “later on.” Sad.
On top of reversing his agreement with you, he has lied to you. Who he lives with is none of your business, since you are no longer together, but his decision to lie about it isn’t respectful and doesn’t speak highly of him. Again, he sounds immature.
You may still be emotionally entangled and need to work at getting back together but it’s my take that you will eventually need to call it quits. You deserve a lot better. Blessings, Luise