Question: Dear Luise: I am in a 4-year relationship with a guy whom I met when I was 17. We have been engaged for well over a year now and have been living together for 3 of those 4 years. We are best friends, we share all the same hobbies, he is all-around perfect. The only problem we are having is with our sex life. I is non-existent. This part of our relationship has been going on for 2 1/2 years, I suppose. I just don’t seem to desire an intimate relationship with him at all; kissing, cuddling, sex etc. He on the other hand, does not feel the same way. He, as most men wants a sexual relationship. We are so much a part of each others’ lives, I just can’t see myself without him. He is very good to me, would be an outstanding father one day, but I know sexually he is not happy. I can’t say it is something I’m willing to work on either. Should he and I commit to a sexless marriage or search for other partners? M.
Answer: Dear M.: I can see why you would commit to marriage. Why would he? What your guy sees as a normal part of life, you have no interest in. You deserve to find someone you are compatible with or to develop a lifestyle that doesn’t involve another person. In turn, he deserves the warmth and comfort of a responsive partner.
You are roommates. That’s it. Being roommates can work pretty well if that’s the structure agreed upon in advance. However, even then, roommates can become intimate, surprising each other in the process. The reverse is true here…you started out with intimacy and now you have decided against it…unilaterally.
Let him go while you are still friends. You say you can’t see yourself without him but I see you using him. There’s no foundation to build on. It’s been over for some time. Blessings, Luise