Question: Dear Luise: My ex-husband and I divorced 8 years ago. We had a drug problem. I stopped and he couldn’t. Basically, he ran off…traded our son and me for dope. It was excruciating for me. I became depressed and ended up hospitalized. Now, 8 yrs later he is clean and sober, and is living with a girl. I still care for him so much. We get along fine when it comes to our son, but he is not “allowed” to come near me without his girlfriend with him. She doesn’t even want us to talk on the phone. The problem is I have never moved on. I’ve had a few 1st dates and that’s it…in 8 years. I still think we could have made it if the drugs had not taken over our lives. I was 35 when I married him…my 1st marriage. I am very independent. We are 44, (me) and 38, (him), now. Basically, I want him back and he wants me, at least sexually and for friendship, but I don’t know whether to ‘open this can of worms’ or not. He was my best friend. Should I try again, if he wants to? Please help me, I want to so badly. I don’t want the old guy back. I want the confident and responsible man he is today. Should I? S.
Answer: Dear S.: Your “ex” isn’t available right now. He has to make up his mind about that first. Apparently, his girlfriend is trying to keep him under lock and key. That never works, of course; because the person has to want to be there. None-the-less, he has to handle that situation before he is free to move on.
As for the rest of it…the “Should I?” part…your guess is as good as mine. We never get a guarantee when we follow our hearts. There’s been a lot of water under the bridge. You have both changed and you share a child. Those are positive factors. In many ways, you know each other better then most couples stepping up to the plate. It sounds like the attraction is still there, to me. Blessings, Luise