Question: Dear Luise: Well, I have been talking to this guy for a good bit now and he is now telling me he loves me and wants me to be with me and also wants me to be his baby’s mommy but I don’t know if it’s the truth or if he’s lying to me. Should I believe him and should I tell him I love him, too and want to be with him and should we have a baby together? L.
Answer: Dear L.: When you say you have been “talking”, I wonder if that means you have met online and have not been interacting on a one-to-one basis very much, if at all. If that’s the case, you have a long way to go before you get to love and babies. Writing back and forth, talking on the phone and texting is a nice start but it isn’t “life.”
If I misunderstood and you have been seeing each other regularly, I also wonder what “a good bit” means…as a time frame. It usually takes a long time for most of us to be sure about picking a life partner.
I have no way of knowing the answer to either question, (love or baby), of course. However, if you don’t know and are asking me, what that tells me is that the answer to both questions is “no.” You will know in your own heart after you get to know a guy very well, if your feelings toward him have grown to the point that sharing life and parenting with him is your deepest desire. And if you’re ready for that.
Until then, hold back on any big questions and decisions. Build your confidence in your own ability to determine which direction you want to move in and with whom. There are a lot of people out there that we can love but very few we can live wit. A great deal of suffering in this world is caused when we don’t take our time and allow ourselves to be sure. Blessings, Luise