Question: Dear Luise: I cheated on my husband with his best friend, and his friend told his sister. His sister left a message on his phone that isn’t working, so I got the message first. I already told my husband, but I already kind of denied the affair to him over the phone. I really regret it and I don’t want to lose my husband. It started out as a threesome and then I did it several times after that alone. How can I save my marriage? It was drunken mistake. Neither one of us is drinking at all anymore and it’s not as if he hasn’t cheated on me, too. What do I do now? Should I call his sister and find out what the other man said or let my husband do it? Should I tell him the WHOLE truth or lie a little? Please help me. I know it was wrong and I want to fix it. V.
Answer: Dear V.: I wouldn’t make any calls, include anyone else while in resolving it or offer any details. And I wouldn’t ask for any details, either. No lying and no telling-all. Make it just between the two of you and have it be about the past. It’s over. Both of you have acted unwisely…so share the blame.
You have taken alcohol out of your lives and so you now have a strong opportunity to create a healthy and mature relationship as a result of that very positive move.
Forgiveness can be a wonderful thing. Step up to the plate, both of you, and forgive yourselves and each other. Blessings, Luise