Question: Dear Luise: I met the man of my dreams one year after my 17-year marriage ended. He was also out of a long marriage and we met and instantly bonded. We grew up together so I believe this is why it went quicker than either one of us was ready for. In any case, he has put me through turmoil over the last year. He lived with me when his ex wife moved back into their home, suddenly left to move back home but as room mates with her, came back, left again, came back, left again…I always forgave him because I love him. He now announced that he has a burning sensation in him of dating other woman because he was never able to while married but yet still calls me, loves to be with me when we are together, constantly apologizes for his actions but doesn’t stop them. I am trying to get over him but am having a hard time because yes, I love him. He says he loves me too but wants to get rid of this “burning sensation”. I want to give him space and I’m trying but I’m scared to loose him forever but yet he’s not ready for commitment. I’m so confused and I really don’t know what to do from here. Please help. Thank you, J.
Answer: Dear J.: Loving someone and being able to live with their beliefs and values are often two different things. It works for him and it doesn’t work for you, so why prolong the agony? He wants to play the field and you don’t. End of story.
You can’t loose him because you have never had him. Can you see that? Now it’s time to muster what’s left of your self-respect and move on while he pursues his “burning sensation” to become footloose and fancy free. And did you ever really believe that “room mates” tale?
It would help if you could see that he isn’t anyone’s dream man. Although apparently very personable, he’s also selfish and unkind, dishonest and inconsistent. When he tells you what you want to hear, he can be very appealing, I’m sure, but then he doesn’t follow through…he does as he pleases.
You deserve a lot better than that. He’s throwing you crumbs and you’re settling for them. What’s wrong with that picture? Everything! Let go of hope. In this instance, it’s not your friend. Blessings, Luise