Question: Dear Luise: (Hi Mom!) So I have been dating this woman of 35 for about 2 months. She had been in a bad relationship before and we are taking things very slow. The other day a relatively happy event had happened in her life. I wanted to hear about it and she said she would tell me later. She was visiting with her friend. I texted her a few too many times, (due to some alcohol imbibing), asking her to call and received a response asking ‘what my problem was if i was needy or being demanding.’ she has been very cool with me ever since and our brief conversation the next day was unsatisfying. She has only contacted me once (text message) since. I am despondent and I don’t know what to do. I heard I should wait and give her space as I had been visiting her, picking her up from work, etc., a lot. She is like a princess to me and I just want to make her happy. I feel that I am human and made a mistake and should be given a second chance. I am not usually a needy person, nor am i demanding. Thank you for your advice. J.
Answer: Dear J.: Your girlfriend is not a Princess and it’s up to her to make herself happy. That said she, too, is a human being with flaws…two of which are that she appears to be lacking in conflict resolution and forgiveness skills.
You have to give her space because you don’t have any other option. To crowd her at this time would end in disaster. She may still decide to move on, and if so, it may end up being a very costly lesson for you.
A few months acquaintance isn’t usually enough time to know how to deal with this kind of thing. We can only hope that your somewhat blotto, excessive enthusiasm wasn’t the kiss of death. Historically your girlfriend may have been with someone who was seriously dependent or maybe she has had issues with an alcoholic…or how about the possibility that you embarrassed her in front of her friend? The only thing that is going to get you past this situation is communication…if and when you get the chance. Guessing isn’t productive.
If what you are getting is the “silent treatment”…beware. Those who use that tactic, often use it every time they don’t get their own way and it’s a bad habit. Blessings, Luise.