Condensed Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been with my high school girlfriend for seven years. An adult relative sexually abused her when she was 17 but I wasn’t given all of the details at that time. Now, after thorough questioning, she has informed me that it was much more extensive than I first believed but she was afraid to tell me. I feel betrayed even though we have lived together for the last five years and I have no complaints. Can we build a strong and moral relationship and start a family on top of this kind of deceit? Y.
Answer: Dear Y. You can probably go on and do well as a couple since you have had 5 good years…but only if you can let yourself get beyond this. Digging up the past is dangerous. It spoils the present. An unwise and immature 17 year-old is no match for a crafty and immoral adult. That’s why they are called “sexual predators.”
If you can’t sincerely and permanently put it behind you, let her go. At present, you are the problem. Bringing up the past, questioning her, labeling her a liar and doubting your future with her can kill a relationship much faster than the history she is trying to forget. Blessings, Luise