Question: Dear Luise: My daughter is 21, just graduated from college and has a good job and she is not living with us.But when she is home it is like walking on eggshells never knowing how she will respond or act. She has taken over all her bills but I am sure she will call sometime if she is short on funds. She is highly movtivated, full of herself, disrespectful and mean to us. She does not appreciate anything we do and never thanks us. I believe she has the entitlement attitude. My question to you is how do we handle this? Do we stay at a distance or do we act like nothing is wrong? I feel like we need to start the tough love concept….do you agree? If we ask her what is wrong she always puts the blame on us…we are too sensitive and nothing is wrong with her. Thank you for any help. S.
Answer: Dear S.: First of all, I want to invite you to join my Web-forum: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . I started it two years ago for women who have issues with adult children and extended families. I feel that we need a community to be able to get through crises that lasts over a long period of time. Consistent support is important; questions and answers aren’t enough.
My take is that you have done your job and done it well. Now, it’s time for your daughter to learn, on her own, the many lessons that must be worked through to reach maturity. Responsibility, compassion, respect, humility. I could go on and on. I would suggest you let her go and if she gets into difficulties, financial or otherwise, do not come to her aid. They are the consequences that go with her choices. Focus on your self-respect and on moving beyond the limits of parenting into the next phase of your own life. You deserve better. Give it to yourself Blessings, Luise