Question: Dear Luise: i am 27 and my gf is 25, we are in a committed relationship for the last 3 years.i am 100% honest with her and have kept nothing from her about my life.before her i had a gf for 8 years who i loved a lot.due to some very unfortunate circumstances, things didnt work out between my ex and i and we parted on amicable terms.she is happily married to someone else and though we are no longer in touch.my gf is unable to accept my past and the fact that i had a physical relationship with her in the past.she tends to abuse her at every pretext and bring her up every opportunity she gets.my life is presently miserable. Yes, i still love my ex gf and i also love my present gf.i do not believe i have to hate one to love another.but i do not want to get back with my ex. i have tried to reason with her in every possible way.she understands for a few weeks and then forgets it all again and start to abuse her, taunt me, hurt me all over again. a day back , we had a huge fight and now i have stopped picking up her calls.i need your counsel on what to do next and how to deal with life. when i was with my ex gf, she was my best friend and knew everything about us and now she uses the knowledge to hurt me and taunt me. please help me on what i should do? R.
Answer: Dear R.: I honestly think that once we love someone, it stays with us. At least it has with me regarding my “ex.” Even though we didn’t make it and are both happily married to others, the love is still there. Where would it go?
Here’s my take on your situation: I think that you deserve so much better! Please give it to yourself by moving on. You may love your present girlfriend but you can’t be in a committed relationship with her. She is jealous, immature, abusive and insecure. Gather up your self-respect and let her go. Let her know that you still love her but you cannot be in a relationship with her. Do not try to “fix” it. Do not accept any promises from her that she will turn over a new leaf and be different. She is what she is and she is not for you. Once you get past cutting her loose, which is always hard, I guarantee that you will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. You will feel like you just got out of jail. I would also suggest in any future relationship that you just state that you are not new to the concept and keep the details to yourself…while at the same time leaving your new partner her privacy as well. It works better that way. Blessings, Luise