Why Is Saying No to Sex So Difficult?

Question: Dear Luise: I think I’m in a pretty good relationship with my boyfriend. I am 15 years old and he is 16. We have been dating for almost 7 months. He is only my second boyfriend ever, and I don’t know how many girlfriends he had before me. But, I do know that he has had sex a couple times with two of his past girlfriends. That means he is quite comfortable with sex. We talk about it sometimes, I told him that i have not had sex yet and don’t want to anytime soon. The longer we are together, the more he asks. “Just for a couple minutes” he sometime says, or “Just don’t count this one”. I told him before, “At least not before I graduate High school.” I also told him that I promised my mom that I would wait at least until I’m 18(which is true). But, still. I really do feel strongly about him, but, I’m just not ready. I don’t want to end this relationship. How should I handle this? What should tell him to get him to understand my situation and stop asking? C.

Answer: Dear C.: You are in a really tough situation. Your boyfriend has been sexually active and you haven’t and you don’t want to go there at this time. That’s a high degree of incompatibility on an important issue.

My guess is that he is going to continue to pressure you. I think you are wise to put it off. It can complicate your life when you aren’t ready for it. However, I think you are unwise to promise your mother that you will make it to 18. The most you can do is say that you will try.

Probably, a choice is going to come your way; either give up your guy or give in. What he wants is natural but I’d be very careful about putting his wants (and needs) ahead of yours. Once that pattern is established, it can have a life of its own. Blessings, Luise

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