Question: Dear Luise: I am in college and just got myself into a situation I don’t know how to get out of gracefully. A favorite sorority sister is dating a guy that I have found to be very interesting for some time. She doesn’t know that I’ve had these feelings. Recently we all went to a party after a game, and he kissed me. So, now, here I am in the middle of a dream-come-true and a nightmare. I haven’t said anything to her and I haven’t returned his calls, but I’m a mess over this. Please help. Vonda
Answer: Dear Vonda: What a fickle-pickle! Why not just forget the kiss? Whether it was memorable or not, the guy was supposedly with someone else. What does that tell you? Please tell me that you can see the handwriting on the wall.
He had other options and so did you. How about his passing on the pass and ending it with your friend and then calling you? What a novel concept.
One error most of us make at one time or another is to think that a guy whose loyalty, (or lack thereof), isn’t dependable would never do that to us. The reason for such shaky logic is that “she isn’t right for him, but I would be”. Better not to go there…many of us have, to our great sorrow.
Here’s another thing to look at. A guy never kisses you. It takes two to share a kiss, otherwise, you would have written that he “tried” to kiss you. If he was betraying a friend…what were you doing? There are a lot of fish in the sea in college. This probably isn’t going to be a life-altering experience, but it could be one in which you could choose to take a giant step toward maturity. Forget your friend and the guy, what do you expect of yourself?
All you need to do to get out of this sticky situation is to go your own way…continue to ignore the guy and try to be a better friend. Great loves don’t start that way, messy affairs do. Raise the bar for both yourself and the next guy that you find interesting. Blessings, Luise