Our Son’s Marriage is Off-limits

Question: Dear Luise: We have one son and had to go through a lot to get him and a lot more to stay together and raise him. We’ve had nothing but criticism and rejection from his girlfriend no matter what we did. They married and the wedding was beautiful.  My relationship with my DIL hasn’t changed. At the end of the wedding I approached her and said, “Why don’t we try and start over, and leave the past in the past?”  She said. “OK, that sounds good.”  And that was that. We haven’t seen or heard from her since the wedding. My son comes over but it’s like he’s not even married. I try and discuss this with him and all he does is defend his wife. It’s like we have lost our son to a complete stranger. My husband couldn’t have said it better, “We have nothing to look forward to.”  Praise God, He gets me through each day. I couldn’t do this without Him and it’s The Lord who gives me something to look forward to. N.

Answer: Dear N.: It takes two to make peace and you are willing but your DIL is not. There’s nothing you can do about that, as far as I know.

Your son has started a new family unit and his loyalty to his wife is appropriate (even if her conduct isn’t.) It’s too bad and as you know better than anyone, it’s also totally unnecessary. Be glad that he hasn’t written you off.  Many young husbands do just that when their wives reject their family of origin. All you can do is follow his lead and walk on eggshells when he visits. It isn’t going to help to pressure him and he might just give up.

You’re on the right track when you look elsewhere for strength and solace.

Please consider coming over to my web-Forum: http://www.motherinlawsunite.com You will be surprised how many women are in the same situation as you are. Blessings, Luise

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