Question: Dear Luise: I have been married for 6 years. Two years ago, we moved across the country so that my husband could take a promotion at work. I truly did not want to move and made that clear, but after almost a year of his boss pushing this and knowing that he wanted to take the opportunity; I finally agreed. It’s been a great thing for him, and for our kids. They all love it here. I however am still not able to get over my resentment over this. Not only did I leave behind all of my family and friends, I also had to give up going to school/being a stay at home mom/student, and working toward finally getting my degree and starting my own career. It feels like I gave up any part of my life that felt like my own. Now it’s all about his job. I don’t usually hold a grudge, but I can’t seem to let this go. I’m afraid it is hurting our marriage. How do I stop resenting him for this situation? Thanks, R.
Answer: Dear R.: The way to get over what I see as your very realistically based resentment is to undo the damage the move has brought to you, personally. It’s great the he and the kids love it but you count, too. The time has come for a summit conference with your husband regarding getting your life back on track. You need to return to where you were when his promotion and transfer turned your life upside down.
Talk about how you can be a stay-at-home Mom again. Look into local colleges and online courses. Factor in visits to see the family and friends you left behind. The days when marriages were all about the husband and pleasing and supporting him without any consideration of the wife’s hopes and dreams…are long past. Blessings, Luise