Question: Dear Luise: I have been hurt over and over again in the same relationship. I give up completely and then I get talked into trying again. It’s just a never-ending pattern and yet now he says I should give it another shot. What for? How long should I keep this up? He says I’m not being fair. It feels to me like it is totally hopeless and I’m all tired out. Any advice? Shelda
Answer: Dear Shelda: Well, you sound like one pooped-puppy. That’s for sure. You get to move on when you feel you’ve done your best and it hasn’t been for your mutual benefit. Here’s a saying you might like to think about; “Being in a relationship should be better than being single or why are you in the relationship?”
You haven’t said what the problem is or what they are. I have no idea what you are dealing with, but one person can’t reconcile. It takes two. If you have reconciled over and over again to no avail, I agree with you that it’s pointless to keep it up.
You also haven’t said what kind of a relationship you have been in or how long? Nothing in your question tells me whether you’re dating, engaged, living together or married. The tighter the bond and the deeper the commitment, the harder people usually try. So you will just have to weigh those factors yourself and see what you think. If it’s a marriage of some duration, you may want to get counseling.
What you evidence in your question is an overwhelming fatigue and an unwillingness to go on. At least that’s the way I read it. If you’ve been lied to and promised changes that haven’t come about and that pattern has been repetitious, then you are probably wise to call it quits. Why would he think any of that would be different? Why would you?
Do you have someone close you can talk with about this? If not, seeing a therapist alone might give you the support you need to make the decision to end it once and for all. It’s often easier said than done. It doesn’t sound to me like you’re being unfair. Calling you that doesn’t make you that. It sounds like you’re fed up and worn out.
Get some help with this. A letter to me isn’t going to be enough. You need someone in your corner. Blessings, Luise