Question: Dear Luise: My Son and Daughter in law are both 22. They just had a beautiful baby boy. I have always been very supportive and loved and still love my daughter in law. When she delivered she had to have a c section. she was in the hospital for 6 days. My son and I would go up to help daily and stay with her. She is the type of woman that moans and groans and whines very loudly. I am not denying her pain but she wants to be waited on hand and foot. I am single and have been for years raising my son. Nobody every helped me and I just worked through the pain and got on with life. My son is still college and is under pressure to pass. She is almost sabotaging his studies. On the 6th night she was home and I was taking care of the baby. I just got him back to bed about 4 a.m. and my daughter in law started the moaning and groaning and calling my son. It went on for 20 minutes. I couldn’t take anymore. I opened the door and she was sitting in the den with their bedroom door closed and I asked in my “hostile tone” what is the matter?! You have to stop moaning and groaning outloud. The bedroom door is closed he cannot hear you! She got up and said she would just stay in her room. I realized what I had said and tried to back track. I said I am not denying your pain, but just sitting their being so load and vocal is not going to help the situation. She was so mad at me. We were all tired and strung out. I left that morning and I apologized to her. I talked with my son afterwards and he said she would be ok. I feel so terrible about what i said. During the week when she was at the hospital she had a bad day and snapped at me and the hospital staff. She called me that night and apologized. I said no worries, when your in pain and tired ugly comes out. I thanked her for her apology and told her I loved her and she needed to concentrate on getting well. So, do I get a forgiveness pass? Why is it that weak needy women make me so angry? I feel so bad about this. I have emailed her and texted my son. But I have not heard from them. I know they are busy with the baby, trying to feel better and just trying to get through this. I realize this was not her issue, it is mine. And I would never do anything to hurt either one. But, I may have done some damage here. Not sure what to do. L.
Answer: Dear L. It feels to me like you could use more support than a single answer would offer. Please come over to my Web-forum where you will find a community of women who will listen to you and who will share their life experiences. I will be there, too. I started it almost three years ago when I realized that woman dealing with issues involving adult children and extended families need a “home away from home.” We can be found at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise