Question: Dear Luise: I have been in a live-in relationship for almost five years. I thought we were doing really well but now I’m not so sure. My guy has just told me that he’s invited someone to come and stay with us. She is a single person, a friend of his brother’s. He just informed me and made it clear that it’s a done deal. What do you think of that? I’m having every kind of feeling come up from hurt to anger to suspicion to indignation…all of which he sees as my problem. He refuses to discuss it. What in the world can I do? Or am I way off base to be upset? Jada
Answer: Dear Jada: Well, what a kettle of fish. And yes, it sounds pretty fishy to me. You didn’t indicate how you have set up your living arrangements. If you share expenses, then isn’t it half your place and isn’t he way out of line making a unilateral decision?
Five years is a long time to not have seen this side of him before. Has he never been bossy and thoughtless with you over other matters…or have you refused to see the handwriting on the wall?
If you can’t get him to discuss the situation, then I would move out. I know it sounds drastic but what do you think his tactics are? If nothing has been discussed about why this person is coming, how long she’s going to stay, what she means to him, or how much of the costs she’s going to pay, it sure looks to me like the situation has no way to go but downhill after she arrives.
Surely you have rights. Surely they include the fact that you get to vote. No vote, no deal. That’s my take on it. However, you need to see a lawyer right away about all of that and how to handle your possessions and lease. Don’t trust me any father than you can throw me when it comes to legal stuff. I just feel strongly that if you lie down and roll over, you can expect that to be normal for you in the future. It sounds like a dog’s life to me.
Do you have anyone who can help you with this like your parents, a good friend or co-worker? Do you have someone you can bunk with who will help you put your stuff in storage if that’s a legal option? You didn’t say how soon this event is to take place but I think you’d better get hopping. Blessings, Luise