No Sex is No-Place

Question: Dear Luise: I’m 43 and in a relationship with a guy that is 27. We have been in a relationship for two years now. He does not want kids and I don’t either. At one point I did think I wanted kids when I was in another relationship but for some reason I did not get pregnant. I tried to get pregnant by seeing a fertility doctor but it didn’t work.  A year in a half into this relationship I had a miscarriage and then two months later I got pregnant again, carried the baby for 11 weeks and had another miscarriage…even though I was on birth control pills. Now, my boyfriend does not want to have sex. He is afraid that I may get pregnant again. I am in the prime of my life. We started the relationship having sex and I can’t face not having it any more. He still wants the kind of activity that will satisfy him, if not me. So, what’s that all about? Do you have any ideas on how this can be solved? I don’t want to be in a sexless (for me) relationship. We might as well just be friends. Also, we are in a long distance relationship and I have spoken to him about this before. I don’t want to do long distance, long term. I might as well be single. Any suggestions on this subject? J.

Answer: Dear J. I agree that you are pretty close to being single.

If the guy doesn’t want a family he can have a simple operation to handle that. And if you don’t want a family you need to go to a doctor that can do more for you than prescribe pills that don’t work. It is really smart not to have kids if you don’t want them. Good for you for figuring that out.

My guess is that you could do better in the guy department closer to home with someone nearer to your own age that isn’t so self-absorbed. Blessings, Luise

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