Question: Dear Luise: Last Monday, an old friend from school that I had a thing for called me. She asked me to call her to make a time when she can come over. So I called her last Saturday, but she was not home. So I left a message for her, saying I would like to get together next weekend. But it is Monday and I sill haven’t heard from her. I’m getting really upset at her and have anxiety that she will not call. I know I shouldn’t be reacting this way. She is a nice woman and a sweetheart. I also know why I am feeling like this. It’s because of another person. She’s lived away from here for about 6 years now I have been writing her letters and sending her cards and stuff like that. She has never replied or said thanks to me. I really think I am forming a complex or something and taking when I feel toward the first friend out on the other one. How do I deal with it before it becomes a bigger problem down the line? K.
Answer: Dear K.: She called you on Monday but you didn’t respond until Saturday? That’s five days. You may have a good reason for the delay but she may think you weren’t very interested. Now, two days after you got back to her, the shoe is on the other foot and you’re upset that she hasn’t gotten back to you. Look closely at that.
Give her some time and if she doesn’t call, leave one more message explaining that the delay after you heard from her didn’t reflect disinterest…and you’d love to see her. She may get back to you or she may not. You may have blown it.
It’s very perceptive of you to see that you are probably storing resentment from a non-productive relationship and carrying it over into this situation. Good for you for catching that. Some people are just thoughtless and unkind. You need to stop sending communications that don’t bring about a positive result. You’re doing the right thing with letters and cards…but you have to find the person who appreciates it, and you. Blessings, Luise