Why Is My Son So Cruel To Me?

Question: Dear Luise: My grown son hates me. I was a single mom working 2/3 jobs to give him everything he wanted and to live in a safe neighborhood. No child support. At 14 I had to send him to live with his father and his wife and half brothers and sisters due to a layoff and operation I had to have and I went into a deep spiral of guilt over this and have never fully recovered. I suffered a stroke 2 months before his wedding and he would not speak to me as if I was not there. I had been out of the hospital a week. He barred me from pre wedding time with him preferring to spend it w/his father and stepmother. I have major memory loss and other problems from my stroke but he thinks they are nothing or I am exaggerating. He always reminds me that he failed and had to make up a test class for his Master’s because I was in ICU and he HAD to STAY. He has since had a baby and I try and try but it is ever good enough. I call and he does not return my calls or emails. I recently had an emergency GB removal and heard him on the phone with my DIL saying that I was still not taken in to surgery yet just laying there crying. He did not even stay for me to get out of recovery. I feel if I died he would not even know I was gone. I did every I could for him growing up and I know he is still upset that I sent him to live with his father even though he was all for it when it happened. L.

Answer: Dear L. We can do our best and that’s it. There are a lot of factors involved and many of them you have no control over.

If your son were just a friend of yours, you would probably have gone your own way long ago. My take is that it’s time to do that now. He is using you as an excuse for not stepping up to the plate of adulthood. Blaming is about denial of responsibility.

A sense of entitlement can get in the way of growing up. It supports continued immaturity. That’s you son’s choice and you are in no way responsible for it. Some kids who are “given everything” are forever grateful.

My suggestion is that you let go and start putting your life back together. See your health as your priority. It doesn’t serve you to get stuck in the whys and wherefores. This is the path your son has chosen. He can’t have his history both ways…fine with going to live with his dad and then blaming you for it. However, he’s trying.

Come on over to my Web-forum: www.wisewomenunite.com where your will be treated with respect. You deserve a lot better than what you are getting. Blessings, Luise

3 Responses to Why Is My Son So Cruel To Me?

  1. M. August 29, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    my 26 year old son says he hates me and everything that has gone wrong in his life is my fault. I work 2 jobs all his life and thought i was doin a pretty good job but obvously not. How did my son turn out so cold. M.

    • Luise September 5, 2011 at 10:10 am #

      You are facing a situation that many moms are up against. It is terrible. I know from my own experience. Please consider coming over to my Web-forum for support. It is for women who are facing issues with their adult children and extended families. http://www.WiseWomeUnite.com Blessings. Luise

  2. L. September 28, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

    I have problems with my son and his wife families are very rude and direspectful to me. His wife changed my son. He’s not the same man like he was.
    I am hurting from there family also. I have grandson. My daugther in law refused like to to play with him and her mother is do the same way. I waisted my money to go down to Texas and visit to my family. I was there guest.

    My daugther in law tells me that I was mean to my faimly and I am sure she doesn’t know what it is going on. This is the worse one ever I have.

    Now her families to tells me to leave them alone. I said ok I will leave them alone. This is very confort and not to see my family much. I can’t understand my daugther in law thinks that she knows everything and I think she is noise like to know what it is going on. I was single mother raised my own son. I had my husband passed away 17 yrs ago. it was very hard to do.

    I am hurting from them for along time. She and her mother are very rude to me and hateful person.

    I just pray for them and I hope it will get better someday. L.

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