My Mom’s Death

Question: Dear Luise: I’m an only child my mom was all I had. I feel so alone/ I know I’m not but she gave me unconditional love and nobody has ever loved me like that. I’m so scared to be alone in this life with out her. H.

Answer: Dear H.: We weren’t meant to keep our moms but for most of us, losing them is something we can never prepare for. We “knew” them for nine months before we even saw the light of day. And no one, absolutely no one, loves like a mom does.

When I lost my mom, it felt like the world I had known came to an end; even though I was in my 20s, married and a mom myself. All I can do is tell you what I did because it made a huge difference. I don’t know if it will help you or not.

I wrote to her. I sat down and poured my heart out. Sometimes at first, I wrote several times a day…because it gave me a strange sense of connection. I wrote and sobbed. I was hurt and angry and fearful and lost and I didn’t see how I could survive what I felt. I wrote and yelled sometimes…I just couldn’t hold it in and there wasn’t anyone who understood.

Little by little I started to be less and less out of control. I started to calm down without even realizing it at first…and I started very, very slowly to heal. I really don’t know when I started doing it…but I eventually began to write answers back to me from her. No, I didn’t hear her voice and I knew I was writing it…but I knew just what she would say to me.

I went on to have a long, full life…(I am now 85 years old.) But I still sit down at times and write. I talk things over with her and she helps me. I really believe that. When my eldest son died at age 52, she was there to see me through a very different and not so “natural” loss. I wonder sometimes, if, when I pass, if she will be there like she always has been.

That’s what I have in my heart to share with you. Blessings, Luise

 

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