Question: Dear Luise: my daughter age 52 calls me and leaves me messages calling me filthy names and blames me for everything,her whole life.i always forgive her and then it starts over.she says i dont like you.she has been doing this since she was 12 years old.she said how would i like a knife stuck through my heart?ive been at my witts end for so long.what do I do? R.
Answer: Dear R.: My guess is there is nothing you can do to change your daughter or her behavior. Forgiving her is my idea of a healthy thing for you to do. Letting it continue is not. Unless you feel the need to be treated badly, (there are some who do), l think the answer is to gather up your self-respect and give yourself some peace. I would let her know that I was closing every door for her good as well as my own. That would mean blocking her on email and Facebook, if you go there. It would mean tossing every letter and card without opening them and blocking her on the phone. I addition, I would not open the door if she turned up in person. She is the one who closed it…four decades ago. Blessings, Luise