Question: Dear Luise: My daughter & I have always been very close. She would turn to medaily to ask for help, advice, opinions, or just to talk. We were SO close. 3 yrs ago I battled with addiction to pain killers & during that time frame she became very irritable w/me, yet supportive & still expressing that she loved me. Then one day after a series of hard times, she called me intoxicated & screamed that she hated me & wished I was dead & I’d never see my grandkids again. One of whom I have an extremely close bond to & she has taken him completely out of my life. I have cried, asked why, bribed, begged, expressed anger,sadness, & remorse. I’ve begged for forgiveness & I tried leaving her alone. She won’t speak to me. I spent the holidays alone last year, I can’t do it again. She has become VERY close with my sister who I had a falling out with 10 yrs ago & during that time my sister wasn’t a part of her life. Now, my daughter bought a house next door to my sister & I have been replaced! To say my heart is broken is like saying the sun is a little bright. I am so depressed & I was once an extrovert, but now a total hermit. I have no friends anymore cause I have displaced pain & hurt onto others in the form of outbursts & rage without provocation & no one likes me anymore,no one. I got really mad at my daughter 1 day & I had told her offbadly. She did have it coming, but I was way over board. I have told her how sorry I am, & that i ADORE & miss her so much. I want to show her how sorry I am & try to show her through my behavior that I awilling to do anything at all to repair our relationship. I am at the end of my rope. I can’t imagine what I would do if this turns out to be permanent. What can I do to get her to see that I’m sorry & that I need her in my life? I know i need a counselor, I’ve become a hermit tho & I’m afraid to talk to anyone. Im beginning to think this is howmy life ends up. Please help! T.
Answer: Dear T.: I deeply admire your honesty and grasp of your reponsibility in the rift you are facing. My guess, and that’s all it is, is that your daughter knows if she continues it will only be a matter of time until you abuse her again. I’m not a trained counselor and I agree that’s what you need. Please seek professional help. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise