Mum Died, My Children Hate Me

Question: Dear Luise: I will make this as fast as I can, my motherpassed away in October, and post funeral while house sorting, my eldest so fought with me. Now, no son, grandson etc. My youngest son and I have been estranged for a while and just today, my middle son did something that he knew I would not be happy about. We had words and now.. No. Mother or 3 sons, or 2 grandchildren.. Of course there’s a lot more between the lines, but I thought you may be able to give me some suggestions. Ages of son’s 27-24-19. Thanks so much. S.

Answer: Dear S.: So often this kind of thing happens after a funeral. People’s emotions are all over the place and “things” temporarily seem more important than the loyalty, support and love those left behind have for each other. Everyone can have a different idea of what was meant to be left to them and it is often not documented clearly.

On top of that we can’t call our adult children on what they say and do. We did our best when raising them and the rest is up to them. They get to decide because that’s how they mature and learn cause and effect. Our opinions are just that… and best kept to our selves because we are no longer “in charge.” Not easy.

Take a look at what you may be willing to do in changing your attitude and then let them know you are willing to do that. Go back over the “stuff” that your mother left and see if you can’t work out a better plan for distribution of her effects. Preserving your family is so much more important than material objects and being “right.” Give it your best shot. Blessings, Luise

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