Mother in Law Problems

Question: Dear Luise: I have serious issues with my “mother in law”. She has problems with everyone, so it’s not just me. I think she is very jealous of her sons relationship with me (she is the same way with her other sons wife) and seems to think that my family is too good for her due to having more money then her. (which is not the case at all) She treats my boyfriend terribly whenever she doesn’t get her way about anything and can be so immature over the most ridiculous things. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 and a half years and we have a 3 month old baby girl. He also has a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter and I get along very well. She even calls my parents grammy and grampy. My boyfriends mother insists on talking badly about me to anyone who will listen including his daughter. I really don’t want her around my child because I think that she will do the same around her. I feel as if her behavior is mentally abusive and she tries to manipulate everyone. Is it wrong for me to keep my daughter away from her? A.

Answer: Dear A.: The first thing you and your BF need to do is get on the same page regarding how you are going to deal with his mother. Many relationships have hit the rocks due to the lack of solidarity. If he thinks his mother makes sense or if he tiptoes around her, any boundaries you try to establish will be compromised. And if you don’t take a stand, your daughter is going to be confused by her lack of integrity. There is no way she can see through it at age 10.

Your mother in law is how she is…and she isn’t going to change. That’s how she is and that’s what you have to cope with. You have established a new family unit where you make the rules…just like she did when she started her own family.

I would never stand still for even the remote possibility of anyone attempting to undermine my relationship with my kids. Your daughter is not related to her. If you take her abuse, you would be a very poor role model for your daughter. The way you teach self-respect is to practice it. Blessings, Luise

 

2 Responses to Mother in Law Problems

  1. B. March 3, 2012 at 11:36 pm #

    If I understand this correctly. You are not married to the father of your child, so if that is the case she is not your mother-in-law. Am I right. As far as the rest of it. I don’t know the answer, except your can not change another person. I am confused. Is your 3 month old her grandchild? If so and she is not abusing her, she should be able to spend time with her. It is hard to say because I only have one side of the story. I am not making a judgment. Without going into all the details, I have not seen my 5 year old grandson in a very long time. My daughter has mental health problems and I don’t see her or my grandson anymore. I was a good mother to all 3 of my children, I have been heartbroken for such a long time and so I don’t get to depressed and so I can keep going on with my life while I pray that she get the help she needs. I am getting support and counseling for myself. Very heartbreaking when you love your child and want the best for her. I also know your are only hearing my side. But believe me I have tried everything I could thing of to try and reach her. Now it is in God’s hands and I have to trust that God will do what I cannot. I don’t know if you pray, but that would be my suggestion. God Bless. B.

    • Luise Volta March 5, 2012 at 11:14 am #

      B – Please think about coming over to my Web-forum for women who have issues with adult children and extended families. You may find support there. It’s a very loving community. http://www.Wise WomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise

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