Question: Dear Luise: My husband has been paralyzed for over a year. In the beginning we had very passionate sexual encounters to his best advantage, but now there basically non-existent. Sometimes we argue because he assumes that I am cheating, and this all comes from the fact that he is not kissing or touching me. I am a very sexual person and he knows that. Every time I bring up why we don’t have sex he gives me a different excuse. I’m really becoming tired of it. I’m at my breaking point. Luise, please help me. N.
Answer: Dear N. This is one of those things we never expect to have to face when we smilingly pledge “in sickness and in health…’til death us do part.”
Also, the same thing happens more often than you might realize in marriages where there is no paralysis. To read about that go to my heading: Sexuality, and look under the sub-title: Sexless Marriage.
You can’t make your husband talk about it if he refuses to face and solve the issue. If he was willing, counseling might help but if he’s closed the door, there is nothing you can do.
Arguments aren’t going to get you anywhere and cheating is always a lousy solution.
Bottom line…you stay and have it be how it is, or you don’t. Some people adjust and for others it’s an impossible assignment. So it’s time to look deeply into your commitment to him and your basic nature to see if there is enough left in your relationship to allow you to stay without any sexual expression. He has made a decision…now, as a result, you have to make one, too. Blessings, Luise