Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law

Question: Dear Luise: Our son has been married for 12 years to a beautiful woman that is a control freak. She has lists for everything and cannot function outside “her” box. Now push has come to shove and we have asked to be respected for how we differ from their control approach to life. That being said, we have been told that we have broken the years of relationship-building and we have failed to understand that our daughter-in-law will never ‘lighten up’ and go with the flow; there always must be a plan and a list of do’s and don’ts to protect against all the downsides of life. What can we do to resolve this conflict and save our relationship. E.

Answer: Dear E. My take is that you are going to have to choose between doing it her way and giving up. She isn’t going to change and she was/is your son’s choice. Your expectations regarding mutual respect are reasonable but they aren’t going to be met.

If you want to stay in the loop, ask what is needed to fix the break and jump through the hoops. If you would like some support, come over to my Web-forum at where others are helping each other deal with the same or very similar problems. Blessings, Luise

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