I Love my Kids but Not my Wife

Question: Dear Luise: I have been with my wife for 2 1/2 years and she says I cheated on her a handful of times.  I never touched any other woman or exposed myself, or anything like that but she still says that I have cheated on her. I can’t stand the way she acts towards me or talks to me. Her attitude seems unbearable at times and it seems like she can’t trust me anymore.  All I can think about sometimes is getting away and what my life would be if I was with another woman or being single.  We have 2 kids none of them are mine but I love them with everything that I am and I don’t want to see them being raised by any other man.  What do I do? C.

Answer: Dear C.: Apparently you two don’t agree regarding what qualifies as cheating. Are you an online Romeo? E-infidelity has become quite popular for those who want to go behind the keyboard.

Your decision is going to be a tough one. You either have to be in a mismatched and unhappy relationship or miss your step-kids growing up with you as their dad. We all have differing opinions about priorities. Being married to the wrong person can be like a slow death. However, for some of us, the prospect of letting our kids down and losing the opportunity to raise them, is just as terrible. Were they pretty much what originally attracted you? If so, did your wife know that? Did you?

If you leave, your wife will probably replace you, even though none of us are actually replaceable. She will find a new and improved model. Your happiness is at stake both ways. You can go for being single or happily married to someone else…(I’d watch myself, though, next time.)…or you can get those kids raised and then hit the road if need be. Neither path is going to completely fulfill you. Give it a lot of thought; once you make a move you probably aren’t going to be able to reverse it. Your wife is angry and has turned mean…probably for good reason. Can you accept the responsibility for any of that?

I’d suggest that you find a good counselor to help you sort through this? Is there any way you could own up to being a jerk and patch it up with your wife…so that everyone could get back on track? Is your cheating, in whatever form it has taken, worth the price? Look closely at all of your options because it sounds to me like the kids are lucky to have you, even if your wife doesn’t agree with them at the moment. Blessings, Luise

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