Loneliness

Question: Dear Luise: All my life I moved around a lot as in my industry it is the norm.  My children never had stability until high school.  Now they are grown. My oldest daughter went back to school this year and I want to move back to where I grew up some 1500 miles away.  She is very angry and wants my husband and me to remain in the same state she is in albeit she may go to school 100 miles away. I have been the sole care taker of my mother for 20 years.  I want to enjoy life where my roots were in a small town. We are in a city.  She has no one she is close to here.  She is hostile about our wanting to go and states she won’t see us but once a year or maybe every couple of years.  She says I can be happy anywhere.  It is hard to make new friends when I am home bound in a big city as a caregiver.  At home I have friends from years ago. I don’t drive freeways and there are none where I would move.  I am heartsick over this. Please advise. Thank you. J.

Answer: Dear J.: I will gladly give you my take on this. I also suggest that you post your issue on my women’s forum www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will receive the support and understanding of multiple answers.

We live our lives for our children when that’s what they need and sometimes it’s difficult for everyone concerned to get that when they become adults, our parenting job is done. We give it our best and none of us does it perfectly. Our adult children have to make friends or not, adjust to changes or not…make choices that have consequences and learn from them…or not. That’s the way maturity is gained and it can be a bumpy road for most of us. It’s your daughter’s turn to get that she can be happy anywhere, near or far from her mother.

You are making a wise choice from my point of view to relocate to a more supportive and familiar environment. You have you hands full as a caregiver…I know I’ve been there. You have earned and deserve the right to create the best life you can for yourself. Blessings, Luise

 

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