Question: Dear Luise: For many years my family appears to hate my guts and jealousof my every mood; they have done things that are terrible including taking my 15 year old daughter to get an abortion behind my back; talk against me to my children; when I try to train my daughters they try to make me appear not important; they always say things about me that are not true; they are so jealous, they try and copied everything I do; they try to turn my friends against me; there jealousy is so obvious and as a result, my children have nothing to do with me; my parents are on their side; and i am completely alone; please help me. A.
Answer: Dear A.: When family relationships disintegrate to the degree you describe, they can be nearly impossible to untangle. I only know what you have told me, of course, but it sounds like you are the family ‘scape goat.’ Much has been written on this in recent years, if you want to research it on the Internet.
My take is that the only way for you to find peace and joy may be to move on. Trying to change others is a lost cause. They get to be how they are. Where your power lies is in changing your own circumstances and attitudes. You were a whole person before you became a parent and you can be whole again. Look to see where your interests beyond family lie and pursue them. Move if you need to. Do whatever is required to salvage your own life. It isn’t over and it isn’t dependent on others.
You may have every reason to feel victimized but don’t get stuck in self-pity. It will do you more harm than they ever have. Don’t give the situation that kind of power over you. You are the one in charge of how this all turns out for you. Blessings, Luise