Question: Dear Luise: I got a boyfriend for more than 2 years. Just last month we were OK. Now he broke up with me. I don’t know what to do. If I love the person, I give everything, even my life. We just broke up last Sunday and I haven’t eaten for 6 days now because of him. A.
Answer: Dear A.: Do you want to love only once and then be sick for the rest of your life from not eating for long periods of time? Does that make sense to you? He didn’t make you
go on a hunger strike. You are on a hunger strike because you are angry and you think you can manipulate him by doing that.
This is about control. He has changed his mind. There is nothing you can do about it. You can’t control him with self-abuse. You can’t keep another person captive and in a relationship he doesn’t want to be in. No one can do that, and if you could, why would you want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you?
If you can’t realize that you are a separate and valuable person and deserve better than this, find a counselor to help you work through it. You were fine two years ago before all of this started. Your life was about you back then and it can be again.
It is possible to love and not lose yourself…to care and not “disappear.” Once you decide that nothing matters except the other person, how interesting do you think that is for him…once the novelty wears off? Where did the person you once were…go? Obsession is not love. It chokes the life out of love.
Give yourself a break and put balance back into your life. Getting help is not a sign of failure…it is smart. You will be taken seriously and valued when you learn to take yourself seriously and value the individual that you are. There are other guys out there that are healthier…that don’t want or need that much attention. A healthy person wants more than just being worshipped by a slave…he wants an independent and interesting partner.
With support, you can pick up the pieces of who you are, learn from this and become strong. You are what matters. You are unique, precious and wonderful. Blessings, Luise