Question: Dear Luise: This is the first time I’m writing to you. My marriage is getting to an end. I want to know if there is any single option left to save it. We got married 2 years before. Ours was an arranged marriage. Soon after we got married I came to know of his relationship with his lady colleague. I started to see intimate messages of this lady in his phone. On asking him about this woman he said they were friends. Things got worse when he started a business with this women, started coming home late and almost started neglecting my feelings. I talked to him about my resentment towards that women, but he was least bothered about all that. Things reached to a level that whenever we talk it ends up in a fight. Though I knew him crossing limits I never talked of this to our parents, since i didn’t have solid points to prove. Once on checking his phone i got to see nude pics of this woman. We had a big fight that day. He asked sorry and deleted the photos. I went totally mad and did’nt want to hide this to parents anymore. I talked to our parents. On their asking he started putting blames on that I had affairs with men, and that he is not sexually satisfied like I was. I was shocked to hear all those and left the house. His parents initially they showed some support but later they stopped believing me. Now its been 8 months and we are not leaving under the same roof. In all these months he use to call and talks as if nothing happened. We met two, three times, but was not ready to give me an assurance that whatever happened now will never happen again. Today when I’m writing to u, we have finished our 2nd sitting at court..When I asked him why he wanted divorce now he says its because my family doesn’t like him, so he wants to move off. I have got 4 more months till the last date to appear on court for the last sitting. Please help me with my issues.I dont know if there is a solution to this when its going to end. All that I know is I love him and it was not supposed to be ending this way. N.
Answer: Dear N.: Of course it wasn’t supposed to end this way but you can’t build a life when only one person is committed. He never has been…and you have been abused almost from the start. The accusations he has made are not only false, they are demeaning. He’s attacking your character because he has none. You love him, but there isn’t much you can find to respect in the man. Love that isn’t built on mutual respect isn’t going to stand the test of time. Let it be finalized. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise