Question: Dear Luise: I found a girl on facebook last week who I had relations with 20 yrs ago, she was engaged at the time and 4 weeks later she found out that she was pregnant. I asked her if she thought that the baby was mine. She told me a couple days later that the baby was her fiances because “she had counted the days and the baby is not yours”. Well after the baby was born she gave me her daughters picture and asked me if we could still spend time together with the baby. I didn’t know what to say. I again asked if the baby was mine…she said she didn’t know…I walked away from her and saw her again one day with her daughter at a grocery store..I asked again if the baby was mine…same answer…her daughter is now 19 yrs old and I look at her pictures on facebook and see a very close resemblence to myself and my sister in the daughter. The man who raised her doesn’t look like her…I do though…I think and so does both my sisters and my aunt…these are the only people I’ve talked to about it. Bottom line…I need you to tell me what to do and how can I ask the girl if she could be my daughter…I don’t want to hurt her but I want to find out if I truely am her biological father…I don’t want to scare her away…what should I do? Please help. J.
Answer: Dear J.: To get a DNA test you would have to let her know why. And that would involve messing with the lives with many people…not only your probable daughter, but her mom, “dad” and other family members. I think the purpose is mostly for your own interests, which I do understand. However, she is now an adult and may totally trust her mom and her parentage.
I would contact her mother, yet again, and let her know what you suspect. Ask her why she has taken the course of action she has…perhaps to save her marriage and her reputation? You don’t really want to undermine any of that do you? Blessings. Luise