I’m Suffering Inside

Question: Dear Luise: Please help me. I have been with my boyfriend for three years. He was really good to me but that has changed. He says the meanest things. One day I’m his soul mate, the next day he wants me gone. His anger is destroying me and my love for him. He acts like he wants to be alone or with his friends. He works hard and I understand this but he is so cruel. He rolls his eyes when I ask for a kiss and shows no interest in me. I’m suffering inside. T.

Answer: Dear T.: It looks to me like your guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer, He is obviously conflicted about ending it because you say he sometimes still refers to the Soul Mate thing. All of that “on again off again” stuff is about him, not you.

Another word for meanness is abuse. What you decide to do about being abused is about you, because the only person who can stop it is you. Not by getting him to change but by finding some other way to live your life. Being a target of someone else’s rage is not much of an existence and that’s what’s causing your suffering.

Move on. He’s no longer the person you hooked up with. All you’ve got is “how it used t be.” You would never pick this guy! Blessings, Luise

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7 Responses to I’m Suffering Inside

  1. J. March 31, 2010 at 12:25 pm #

    I have been with my partner for over 10 years and have two children 8 and 5. He cheated on me in 2008 – I stayed because of my kids. They adore their father. last year in Sept I found a whole lot of condoms in his car – and that devastated me. I have not had sex with him since. He tries to be affectionate. I feel numb – is this normal? I am 46 with two kids and totally dependent on him. I am completely stressed out. J.

    • Luise April 4, 2010 at 10:11 pm #

      We all react differently when trust is broken. So many men just can’t offer faithfulness for a life time. It’s normal to feel stressed and uninterested, as far as I’m concerned but if you are going to stay, it may not make you any happier. If you must stay…you may do better letting go of how he is.

  2. P. October 1, 2010 at 1:55 pm #

    I was married 8 years ago but i m divorced now. I had a really sexually frustrating married life. After 3 yrs of my marriage i made physical relationship with a 17 yr old boy living in my neighborhood. We got along together nicely, and moved into a healthy relationship. but nearly after 2 yrs of our relationship my husband came 2 know about this. He divorced me and left me alone. Since then i v been in a live-in relationship with my bf. He has given me everything and always made me feel like his wife. Its been a long time and now i m 6 months pregnant. Now my Husband has revisited me and wants me again in his life. I love my bf very much and i can’t leave him. I m pregnant with his child and can’t betray him. My husband says he is ready to accept the child but i can’t go back to him. What is your say? Please suggest. P.

    • Luise October 2, 2010 at 8:37 am #

      Your husband my want another chance but it looks to me like you have moved on and it’s too late. He had his chance. I would stay with the new guy and give it my best. Blessings, Luise

  3. P October 6, 2010 at 5:57 am #

    Thanks Luise for suggesting me. I was really in a fix but after this i m really convinced that i should stay with my love. P.

  4. P. October 7, 2010 at 1:39 am #

    Hi Luise!! Thanks for helping me with your suggestion. I just like to ask u one thing more. I am 6 months pregnant now. My bf has just got a job and we are in a live in relationship, He is 23 and i am 30. I don’t want to lose him. Should i ask him to get us married? I think he wants the same. P.

    • Luise October 20, 2010 at 8:46 pm #

      Yes, that definitely sounds like what’ next. Blessings, Luise

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