Question: Dear Luise: My son is 21 years old. He does not talk to me or look at me. My husband and I talked to him many times and asked what was bothering him? He told his father that I am looking at him in a different way! I am shocked to find the reason. How would I look at him any other way than a mother’s way? Please help me. What should I do? He does not want to see a professional regarding this problem and he does not want me around. What can I do? R.
Answer: Dear R.: If your son won’t take advantage of counseling, there is very little you can do, that I know of.
The only time I have ever heard of a situation like you describe, the family did go to counseling and it turned out that it was the son was actually looking at his mother “that way” and projecting his problem onto her. When I asked a psychologist friend of mine about it, she told that me it is very common for young men full of raging hormones to be attracted to any and all females, including their mothers. If that’s true in your son’s case, and I don’t know that it is, then he may be more sensitive than the average male his age and may be denying his feelings and feeling guilty. Reacting physically can sometimes be very embarrassing. Better to make the whole situation your fault and you his enemy.
It might actually help you to go to a professional yourself during this very difficult time. If your son insists on distancing himself from you, you’re probably stuck with his choice and need to find a way to get through it yourself. Blessings, Luise