Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend and I had a great relationship for 5 years until his stepfather died. He decided we move in with his mother until she got back on her feet. Well another 3 years passed and we were still there. I have noticed that all of the husbandly duties have been put on him by his mother. Then he told me that he could no longer be committed to me because he had to take care of his mother for the rest of her life. What is going on here, we had such a great relationship? She is not an elderly woman she is 54 years old. P.
Answer: Dear P.: It’s my guess, (and of course that’s all it is), that your boyfriend and his mother are getting so comfortable that “three’s becoming a crowd.” If she’s only 54 and in good health, they are taking care of each other, rather than him being any kind of a caregiver for her.
I think he may want to break his commitment to you and is using his mother as an excuse. You need to do some very open communication to sort this out and, be careful, he may be in denial and not want to do that.
You’ve been together for a half a decade and this sounds pretty heartless to me. I’m 82 years old and my son would never think of doing that to his long-term, live-in partner. Blessings, Luise