Question: Dear Luise: Thank you for your site. I just wanted to ask what I could do to make my family like me. When I was a kid my eldest sister and brother would hurt me and mock me and it has never changed. I used to defend my youngest sisters from them but they don’t talk to me either, now, unless they have to. I used to baby sit for two of them later on and never asked for money. When I went to work my sister over charged me and did not watch my child well, even though I never charged her. When I was hurt no one came to see me. I have always been good to them but I think the problem is that now I am scarred, ugly, fat, and not doing well financially. In other words, I’m a loser. The sisters all married well and have a few homes. I feel they look down on me and never invite me to anything even though I live minutes away. It is very lonely knowing that they never liked me when I was doing pretty well, just used me, and now that I am not doing well I am even less useful. I guess I just don’t know what to do, or should I just forget them. Thank you for listening to me whine. T.
Answer: Dear T. You can’t make your family do anything. They seem to have a collective mindset about you and they couldn’t be more wrong. Sometimes in family dynamics one person is picked on. That doesn’t mean anything regarding that person, but it shows a lot about the rest of the people involved.
No one is a loser. It is a mental concept that doesn’t exist in the soul. We are all precious. Our value doesn’t depend on how we look or what we weigh or how rich we are. And it certainly doesn’t depend on what others think of us. They are misinformed.
You need love. Love carries the most healing properties in the world. We all need love. Where we get off track is looking to others to provide it. They may or they may not…it isn’t reliable to wait for that to happen outside of ourselves.
I learned about that from a CD I got at: http://openheartpress.com/ and it was wonderful. It was about self-love. That’s what we need. The trick is to daily in front of a full-length mirror just before you take your shower and apply a nice lotion all over yourself, telling each part of your body how much it is loved and how much you appreciate it. Then look yourself square in the eye and say, “I love you” and mean it. I thought it would be impossible to face such a task and such an image in the mirror…but I did it. And I kept it up every day until I healed myself of the feelings of being unlovable that I had carried around most of my life.
We are all wonderful. Anyone who doesn’t get that misses the point of what life is all about. We are spiritual beings…on earth to be however we are, doing whatever we do. It’s an adventure and self-love can teach us not to waste the opportunity.
Have your family be however they are…that’s about their path, not yours. And join the legions of people who have launched themselves into peace and joy. Blessings, Luise