I Was Furious And Hurt

Question: Dear Luise: I have 3 daughters; 17, 13 and 9. Their father divorced me 7 years ago and those were rough times for my children, especially my oldest. I had her in therapy because she was so angry at him and clearly her life was just unhappy. The last year as she is driving and leading more of her own life, her anger has dissipated. Though this morning she made a comment which was really uncalled for towards me. Her sister said how their Dad did not return her call yesterday. She replied “dad always calls back. Mom did not answer the phone when I was in a car accident.”  All of a sudden, she lashes at me. I defended myself and said “listen my cell was charging and as soon as the house phone rang I answered and ran out the door.”  “Don’t turn this back onto me.”  I was furious and hurt. I said to the girls, “dad loves you and you know that. Men are built differently than women.”  I then texted her that she hurt me this morning.  I have done everything I can for my children. Then need, I provide, then call I run out the door.  I am glad my 17 year old is happier, less angry but I don’t like that she seems angrier towards me now. I have done nothing but cater and take care of my daughters. My youngest ones are always appreciative and sweet. My oldest is not so sweet and focused on herself.  But I am glad she is in a better place now than the past 7 years. I just don’t like when she pins me against her father or tries to point out my faults. Thank you. D.

Answer: Dear D.: We do our best and then our children turn out however they do. Many young adults seem to like to rewrite history to find a way to deny responsibility for their own well-being.  It can be a tough time for parents and of course, divorce can make it even more difficult.

I’d like to suggest that you join my online community. It’s a sharing and caring place for women who have issues with adult or soon to be adult children or are working with extended family issues. Come on over to our Website at www.WiseWomenUnite.com I think you may find some much-needed support there. Blessings, Luise

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