Question: Dear Luise: i have been in this relationship with a guy for almost 2 years.. Im a girl phobia of porn . I never watched & i dont want my bf to watch it either. But i have told my bf i will do anything he needs to satisfy him. We used to be sexually active in the beginning > But later on I found him lying few times bout porn & sometimes he neglects me as he has another replacement (porn). the last time i found out bout him n porn, i wanted to quit this relationship as he keeps lying. Finally,he wants me to stay n quits watching porn but he has lost his interest in sex with me. Can a man live without porn? i am ever ready to satisfy him in everyway. or how do i change my mind? i feel mentally disturbed as im totally against porn. What can i do for him? Making love is something pure & divine to me. between two souls who love one another. porn is something making the whole love making thing a disgusting attitude! I tried accepting him watch porn..but i cant seem to adapt to it & end up fighting..i need help..how do i keep him happy?..we are no longer happy. Both of us want to work a way out of this. We are currently engaged. we dont want to just break up. We need to work this relationship. Please help. D.
Answer: Dear D.: If it could be fixed and your boyfriend wanted to fix it badly enough, it wouldn’t be an issue. What you need to see (and I know it is difficult) is that it’s his problem, not yours. You can’t solve it for him or help him solve it. It is a form of addiction.
There is no way to keep him happy. You can’t be what he seeks…which is fantasy. To try to enter that world would only be degrading. You would lose your self-respect and you would fail. It isn’t your world. My view of porn is that it circumvents maturity, responsibility and spiritual expression. Others may see it differently.
Gather up your dignity and move on. He isn’t husband material or father material and to stay will only bring you unbearable grief. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise